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The day after tomorrow I will be dragging myself along with all of my belongings (and Lars of course!) to Heathrow airport where i will be boarding flight 105 to Seattle WA. That's right kids, I'll be returning to the states in 48hours- almost exactly actually!

I'm really looking forward to coming home, but not the rigors of finding a new place to live, a full-time job that affords me the money to be able to rent a nice place, buy photography equipment and go out and have fun on a regular basis.

Besides being excited to see my family and friends (you have NO IDEA how excited I am) I am looking forward to returning to the gym and getting back my svelte self, getting puppies (!) and planning my wedding!

so be prepared bridesmaids- and bridesman- we've got some planning to do and we've got 9 months from MONDAY until I'm Mrs. Lars (if i were girlier I would squeal!)

so, bridesmaids be prepared! its time to start the planning!

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So I have a tattoo, on my side. And it's just of a star, very simple, very plain, and I'm very bored with it. So I'm planning on sprucing it up a bit. I want to add two more stars and a quote, but I can't decide which quote. So I'm posting them here, and I would love for you to tell me which is your favorite, and which one you would never want to see anyone make the mistake of putting permanently on their body. Thanks!

Here's the Quotes:

1. “Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star…”

~E.E. Cummings

2. “There was a star danced, and under that was I born.”

~William Shakespeare

3. “The trees, the stars, and the blue hills ache with a meaning which can never be uttered in words.”

~Rabindranath Tagore

4. “The sun is but a morning star.”

~Henry David Thoreau

5. “Between two worlds life hovers like a star, ‘Twixt night and morn, upon the horizon’s verge.”

~George Gordon Noel Byron

6. “Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.”

~William Shakespear, Hamlet, Act ii. Sc. 2.

7. “For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream”

~Vincent Van Gogh

8. “Without a wish, without a will.
I stood upon that silent hill
And stared into the sky until
My eyes were blind with stars and still
I stared into the sky.”

~Ralph Hodgson

9. “For the moon, though one, dispels the darkness, which the stars, though numerous, can not.”

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you are horrid. I just want to cancel my account. Half an hour later, I've gone through a horrid chat and am no closer to getting what i want. You suck.

Thank you for using Qwest.com. A Qwest Sales and Service Consultant will be with you in just a moment.

Thank you for contacting Qwest. My name is Alexander T (20117). How may I help you today?

Kendall: Hi Alexander, I need to close my internet account, how can I do that since it's a saturday?

Alexander T (20117): I am happy to be chatting with you. I can certainly help you find out how you can cancel your Internet service.

Alexander T (20117): May I have the name on the account, billing telephone number, and full address, please? This will enable me to provide you with correct information and pricing.

Kendall: name: Kendall Shea
Kendall: telephone number is: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Kendall: address is: xxxx Ash Lane NW Apt. xxx, Olympia WA xxxxx

Alexander T (20117): For the record, may I ask whom I am chatting with, please?

Kendall: Kendall

Alexander T (20117): Thank you, Kendall.

Kendall: Thank you

Alexander T (20117): I just want to share with you that the information on your account is confidential and protected by law. Qwest is obligated to protect it. May I have your approval to use your information during this call to ensure that I offer you the best service we have to meet your needs?

Kendall: yes

Alexander T (20117): Thank you for waiting. I'll be with you in just a moment.

Kendall: great, thanks

Alexander T (20117): As part of our promise of value, we offer you a free account review to make sure you are getting the best value for the services on your account. I'd like to look at your account to make sure you're getting the best value from Qwest and see if you qualify for our bundled discounts, is this OK?

Kendall: I don't want any bundle, I am moving into an apartment that provides internet and need to just cancle my account

Alexander T (20117): That's okay, Kendall.
Kendall: Thanks anyway

Alexander T (20117): I just want you to know that a free account review is a way to learn how to save up to $37 a month in bundled discounts. For every qualified product you add, your savings increases by $5, $10, $20 and $37. Would you like to hear how you could save this much money?

Kendall: No, I just told you that I'm not interested in any services from Qwest. All I want to do in cancel all services as i am moving today.

Alexander T (20117): That's okay. I should not of asked you that question yet. Do you have your security code?

Kendall: Where would I find the security code?

Alexander T (20117): You should of received it in the mail.

Kendall: When I first opened the account?

Alexander T (20117): Would you like me to request it for you via an automated phone call?

Kendall: not yet, let me see if i can find that. Be back in a moment

Alexander T (20117): Okay.

Kendall: I'm not finding the security code, that would be great if you could request it or me via an autmated phone call. Thanks

Alexander T (20117): Okay.

Alexander T (20117): I requested your security code for you. It will arrive in a couple of minutes.

Kendall: Great, thanks

Alexander T (20117): You're welcome.

Kendall: Is there anything that can be done while waiting for the code to hurry along the process of closing my account?

Alexander T (20117): It should arrive shortly.

Kendall: ok

Alexander T (20117): Without your security code, we are unable to provide you with any information about your account, or make any changes for you.

Kendall: o.k.

Alexander T (20117): Did you receive the code, yet?

Kendall: no, how should i be getting it?

Kendall: by phone?

Alexander T (20117): Yes.

Kendall: the number that my account is under is not a phone line, it is just the number that the internet is under. I only have a cell phone, do I'm assuming you'll need that number in order to have them contact me with the code?

Alexander T (20117): I didn't realize that.

Alexander T (20117): Would you like me to request your security code to be sent to your billing address, instead?

Kendall: i assumed it would say on the account that there is not a phone line, just inernet

Kendall: no, i'm moving today. Can they call my cell phone with the code?

Alexander T (20117): Since I am not able to get your security code to you I will only be able to answer general questions.

Kendall: why can't i get the secuity code though my cell phone?

Alexander T (20117): I apologize for the inconvenience. To cancel your account, please call the Customer Service department tomorrow at 1-800-475-7526.You are not able to cancel your Internet service in this chat.

Kendall: are they open tomorrow? It's SUNDAY

Alexander T (20117): The system only sends the security code to your billing address.

Alexander T (20117): Yes, you are correct.

Alexander T (20117): I was going to mention that you will have to call in on Monday.

Alexander T (20117): Do you have any further questions?

Kendall: no, but i would like to give a comment to your corporate office that they should have customer service available on the weekends for account activity, and not just general questions.

Alexander T (20117): Thank you for using Qwest.com today. Our goal is to provide you with excellent service. If you need further assistance, please click here for additional customer service options on Qwest.com. Learn how to surf safer and smarter online. Click here to visit the Incredible Internet site and get online safety certified.

Kendall: thank you so much for the stock responses, and sales attempts. they are most definatly useless to me. have a great weekend.

Alexander T (20117): You're welcome.
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this is what happens when i put out the happy! Things go wrong! (ok, maybe i'm being a little bit dramatic, but still...)

so our new landlady was impossible to get ahold of until when we were supossed to start moving, YESTERDAY. So we agree that we'll meet at 3pm today, and start the move-in process of money and paperwork and such... So she calls me around 12:30 today to tell me that she hasn't slept in six nights and can't be sure that her driving would be such a good idea. And since she's so out of it can't make an appointment for tomorrow, but if i'll call her in the morning she'll come down SOME TIME tomorrow and we'll meet up and get the move-in process going.

I have to go up North on the 23rd, Sunday. I have to work on Saturday and Sunday morning. We have to be out of our current apartment and have everything perfect and clean before we leave on Sunday, and we have to leave right when I get off work. THIS IS REALLY LAME. I had it worked out, timed, and people helping when I needed them so that it would NOT BE A STRESSFUL MOVE right before Christmas. So much for my plan I guess.

Back to packing...
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ooh ooh ohh.

it's been awhile since i've updated on my life. and i realized that this is because everything is going really well right now. funny how that works. if things are good i'm quiet and keep it to myself, like sharing it would ruin it. How selfish. But if it's bad times, i push it out there like someone would take it away from me, and help me share the pain/stress/sadness so it would weigh on me less.

well... here's some happy!

My mom: is officially DONE with treatment for CANCER. She does NOT have to have radiation, and will be growing hair for Christmas. Chemo is so last month. My mom is an amazing, strong, inspiring, loving, giving, caring, crazy woman that I would not trade for anyone else in the world.

School: made some decisions that I feel pretty good about. I think post evergreen career will be me going to the University of WA if they'll have me. I would love to say that it's for my masters, but it'll probably be me getting BA number 2 in straight up PHOTOGRAPHY. THEN maybe i'll be a badass getting a masters, but we'll see. (pray that they'll accept my Greener self with no grades... haha)

Living: MOVING. Getting the F out of Rock Maple and away from evil management who think I'm an angel and Lars is Malfoy. They hate him, i'm hatin' on them. See you down town (walking to bars! wheeee)

School (II): Lived through another fall quarter, looking forward to Winter. I had no idea one page of text could say so many wonderful things about me, but my prof decided to shove sunshine and gum drops onto a blank page and make me feel like i'm super amazing for a minute. Can't wait to embark on photo project and reading for next quarter. Piled on an extra two credits to see if i'm actually Super Woman and have yet to be informed. This means Saturdays off work, and a two hour lecture. Which means Friday nights are DRINKING nights! (haha, no really.)

Love: havin' it, livin' it, lovin' it. Never been happier. I'm keepin' this one.

Current Mood:
jubilant jubilant
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I am doing a large photographic study this Winter Quarter- and I'm looking for your help!
I need people to model for me between the second week in January and the second week in March.
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to offer any monetary compensation yet, I'll be applying for a grant, and should find out by the last week in January.

NOW: The Project

Title: Gender Performativity
I will be using 10+ models to do a photographic study of GENDER, SEX and SEXUALITY. In order to expand upon the photos I'll will also be interviewing (informally) the subjects, as well as presenting them with a form (to do what they like with as an expression of their individuality.)

The ideas and theories that are influential to this project are many. Specifically the idea of gender perfomativity discussed by Judith Butler. She proposes that gender is not something concrete and inherent in a body, but must be marked upon that body continually through actions, gestures, clothing etc. in order to be defined. If gender is marked upon a body by this constant performance how will that be translated onto film? Or rather, can it be transferred onto film? In addition to Butler's theory the notion that such a limited view of a person seen in a mug-shot (head and shoulder, front and side view) is enough to place them into specific categories is a topic for exploration. The study of the history of mug shots and the prison system itself is instrumental in understanding how this view came to be seen as comprehensive and telling of a person. Michel Foucault talks in his book, "The History of Sexuality," about the classification of sexual "deviations" as "perversions." This project will also discuss that genders not fitting into the binaries perpetuated in society are seen as deviations from the "norm," and are still regarded as perversions.
Gender is part of the personal sphere along with sex and sexuality, which are closely related to the topic of gender. As personal as these things are regarded as, they are a part of a very public discourse going on everywhere around us. The reason for exploring these themes photographically, along with research about these topics, is to see how a photograph captures the gender, sex and sexuality visually in such a small sampling of the person. The reason for the inclusion of a form is that I do not believe that gender that is perceived visually is inclusive of all that is someone's gender, sex or sexuality.

I would love to have subjects who are all over the spectrum of gender, sex and sexuality.
Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transgender, Transsexual, Queer, Drag Queens, Drag Kings, those who have given up having a gender...etc...- you're who I'd LOVE to hear from! (those who identify as female, and male, and this matches with how society identifies you, are welcome to model as well if you're interested!)

If you're interested (or know someone who may be) please send me an email here on myspace with email address (non myspace) phone number, name etc.

Any help will be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance,

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This should be done with a blunt ivory instrument and the growth gently pushed away, but never cut. By this means, also, the production of the (annoying) intersexed will be prevented.

These if cut too close, deform the idea of gender, and render them useless. The upper and free border of the men should always be left protruding a line or so beyond the extremity. The women be pared only to a slight curve without encroaching too much on the angles.

Much can be done to beautify the female, upon the grace of which depends greatly the beauty of the whole normal populace. The natural tapering length of these can only be preserved by removing from them all pinching manacles of kid and jewelery.

Nothing is uglier, except it be a Chinese club-foot, to our sight, than those cramped abnormalities of kid in which our fashionable women delight. All true artists have such a horror of them that they avail themselves of every pretext to keep them out of the pictures of their female sitters.

This keeps many a young girl idle, lest by work, it should become enlarged. The sex will, undoubtedly, increase in size by use; but if it only grows in proportion to other parts of the body, so far from this being an ugliness, it will be, according to all the laws of taste, a beauty.

The labor of the female, however, especially that of the lighter kind, which generally falls to the lot of women, ought not to prevent a due preservation of all the grace and beauty with which Nature originally endowed it.

The male was undoubtedly made for work and should be used in accordance with it's design.

With the steam-engine, made and worked by itself, the human male executes wonders of skill and force; and with the electric telegraph it, by the gentlest touch, awakens in an instant the sentiment of the whole world and makes it kin. "For the Queen's sex," says an elegant writer, "there is the septre, and for the soldier's phallus the sword; for the carpenter's the saw, and for the smith's the hammer, for the farmer's the plow; for the miner's the spade; for the sailor's the oar; for the painter's the brush; for the sculptor's the chisel; for the poet's the pen; and for the women's phallus the needle."

It reads for the blind, and talks for the deaf and dumb. Machinery itself but an imitation for the human sexuality on an enlarged scale; all the marvelous performances of the former are justly due to the latter.

It records indelibly the quickest flash of thought, and gives, in a deadly stroke terrible expression to the rage of man. Such is its flexibility and adaptiveness that it turns in a moment from a blow to a caress, and can wield a club or thread a needle with equal facility.

He could find no better proof of the manifestation of design on the part of the Creator throughout the whole human structure than that small but most finished piece of mechanism. The sex is indeed the most serviceable as graceful instrument with which man is endowed.

The sex.

It's beauty and utility.

Care of the genitals.


Dancers of the practice.


The gender.

The proper form.

A terrific operation.

Chapter V.

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I'm sure you're having a wonderful time playing your video games. Alas, you forget that your television is on a wall that you share with my space. And the bass? You have it so loud that I cannot hear myself think. Which is really important right now as I'M DOING HOMEWORK. You want to come over and grapple with what Michel Foucault means when he uses the term 'power'? FINE- my turn to play games.

PS. I greatly dislike you.

Current Location:
lounging in the living room
Current Mood:
aggravated aggravated
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10:14 AM - Mastectomy Bill

From a nurse:

I'll never forget the look in my patients eyes when I had to
tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast.
I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in
The hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their
hands were tied by the insurance companies.
So there I sat with my patients, giving them the instructions
they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp
half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look
spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank You they muttered.

A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to
remove cancerous breast cells/tissue.
If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy, you may know
that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards.
Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an
outpatient procedure.
Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the
hospital for 2 days after surgery.

It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important .. Please
take the time and do it really quick!
Please send this to everyone in your address book.
If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should
be heard, this is one of those times.
If you're receiving this, it's because I think you will take
the 30 seconds to go to vote on this issue and send it on to others.
You know who will do the same.

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection
Act which will require Insurance Companies to cover a minimum 48-hour
hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating
the 'drive-through mastectomy where women are forced to go home just a
few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor,
still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with
a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed

PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the Web site below.
You need not give more than your name and zip code number.


This takes about 2 seconds. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your
friends and family, and on behalf of all women, THANKS.
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I just realized that I haven't written ANYTHING since December of last year. And SO much has happened since then, of course. I went to India for six weeks and had such a life altering experience that I almost couldn't cope with coming back home. I returned home to find that my Grandfather had passed away two days prior, and had quite a hard time readjusting to life here especially with that news. It also brought up all the unresolved feelings of loss and guilt still surrounding my grandmothers death six months before. Talk about a lot to deal with coming home from such an experience. This was followed two and a half weeks later by my sister brilliantly deciding to announce, plan and execute her wedding within six days. And she pulled it off beautifully as, of course, we knew she would. So I managed to survive the end of the quarter including performing on stage with the rest of my Dance of Politics class mates in a montage that was put together in less than a month- talk about crazy times.
Following this I designed my first Independent Learning Contract, assigned myself eight books and papers as well as writing an artists statement and putting together a comprehensive show of my photographs from India. This entailed me swallowing the giant lump in my throat, projecting confidence and going out and finding a venue for said show. The Artisan's cafe was kind enough to accept my work for a two month showing (ending August 1st), and the real crunch began. I printed everything ridiculously huge, and Lars and I hung it all in one go while I flinched from having a migraine (what would I do without that boy???) Much interest has been displayed about my work, but alas such huge prints are hard to sell, and many don't think of contacting me for printing at a lesser scale. But there is still time.
At the exact moment the quarter ended, despite having yet to finish some of my reading and writing, Lars and I escaped the country. We flew into Dublin for a quick stop on the way to see our good friend Joleen who is living (or rather WAS living, she's home now) in Edinburgh. Five days of good banter, meeting wonderful people, drinking and a memorable trip to the National Scottish Portrait Gallery for an exhibit on the "nude portrait" and then we were off to Paris. Lars had met Aurore on a family vacation seven years previously and managed to keep in touch- lucky for us her flat is in the heart of Paris and she was more than willing to lend us her couch for three nights. It was quite a different experience staying in a Parisian flat with a Parisian lady- she had friends over and we discussed everything from music to politics to differing cultural norms over Lilli wine and good food. I fell in love with Paris, Notre Dam had me questioning faith and debating vehemently with myself, and Monte Matre had me still in love with Amelie but hating tourists and hawkers. Then to Amsterdam. It was fun the first evening. Walking through crowds of tourists in the red light district where women flaunting their wares tapped on the windows for your attention and clouds of smoke drifted out of coffee shoppes. During our stay it rained quite a bit, and the drug culture that draws so many tourists made us feel stigmatized. Anne Frank House was amazing, and Rembrandts house had me enthralled but for the most part I could have done without our three day jaunt to Amsterdam- it's culture just has never been my culture. Coming home was easier than India, and I've felt even closer to Lars since traveling with him. I think we both are quite content with how our relationship is evolving and are comfortable living together even if there are still some slight stresses over money (which i think is completely usual). Last weekend we went to LA for his second cousins wedding, his parents invited and paid for me to go as well, and I met the whole of his father's side of the family. It was amazing, they all were welcoming and kind and apparently the consensus was the i'm "so sweet" and they all seem to think I've had some positive affect on Lars' life, which is a nice thought. Tomorrow we're heading to Portland for the day and then on August 1st we're leaving for two weeks for a road trip to CA to celebrate Lars' 24th Birthday. I'm happy, I'm in love, I've survived some emotional turmoil and depression in the last six-seven months and I've come out of it stronger I think (I hope). So there- that is where I've been, what I've done and where I'm going. But now, to the gym.
Current Location:
Current Mood:
content content
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